To Be (rational), or not to be (rational)...

... is actually a question I ask myself on a daily basis. 

Sometimes, this is just how it is.

Lesbihonest. I struggle with Mondays (I'm not the only one, right?). I was feeling pretty great after spending the weekend in Star Valley with my family, then Monday morning came and with it the weight of all my obligations, meetings, lessons... Blah blah blah. Naturally, this feeling caused me to stay in bed as long as possible before I'd have no choice but to scare my 5th graders with my less than acceptable appearance.
It wasn't a hard day by any means, but all day long I was thinking "I'm in WAY over my head with everything." Because I am surrounded by 5th graders all morning and high schoolers all afternoon, I really needed to talk to an adult by the time 6 PM rolled around. After going non-stop from 8 AM to 6:30 PM, I went straight to Matt's house because I like him and he is the voice of reason.

Being the wonderful guy he is, just held me and listened to all my irrational thoughts and concerns and let me vent almost to the verge of tears. He would interject occasionally with things like "I understand" and "it will all work out." (Voice of reason AND eternal optimist...) I went off on so many tangents of things that I was so worried about and frustrated with and at the end of it all I realized the one thing that was just the icing on the cake,"and Chuckie Keeton is out for the season!!"

I don't know how, but within the next 10 seconds we were both hysterically laughing. The kind of hysterics where I wasn't sure if I was laughing or crying. I'm sure Matt was just laughing at me at this point which made everything that much more funny.

And then I felt a lot better.

Looking back, how I felt was incredibly ridiculous. It was just one of those days. At least we got a good laugh out of it in the end.

It's a good thing Matt thinks I'm funny. I'll keep him around for a while. 

Uh... is this thing on?

Oh hey.

It's been a while. I'll explain the blog's name change in another post. I'll explain a lot of other things that happened in other posts, too. 

A little journal writing on the flight home. 

A lot has happened in almost 4 months. I've learned a lot and I've changed even more. Maybe that's why I've had such terrible writers block not only on my blog, but in my journal as well. I devote next weekend to catching up. It's important stuff. I still feel really strongly like I need to keep a record of my life, but sometimes it happens too fast for me to keep up!

Hello to the Great Salt Lake.

This summer was a journey in more than one way. I was traveling all over the country being an EFY counselor, and each week I learned really valuable lessons about who I am, what I have to offer, and what I deserve. A lot of these lessons were thanks to the people I associated with all summer: the session directors, the youth, and my EFY team. Flying back to Utah from my last session in Palmyra, NY was a cathartic experience for me. I had worked some things out in my heart and it was time to put what I knew into action.

I'm excited to tell the stories of my adventures! They're my version of events, come read all about it.

According to Phil Robertson, I might be a Yuppie.

But I'd like to think I'm not 100% yuppie. Click here for a better idea of what that is (according to Phil of course.)

Boots mean business

I LOVE going home. "Home" here refers to good ol' Star Valley, Wyoming. Even though I never grew up or lived there, the cliche "home is where the heart is" definitely applies to this place. My dad's parents and siblings all lived in or near Star Valley, and still do! Growing up, my family would try to visit every other year, and despite the 2,100 mile distance. My grandparents board and rent out horses, so we would go on long rides through the mountains and enjoy the country.

 I've gone home a lot this Spring and I can't get enough of being with my grandparents and family there. They've been so supportive during my time at Utah State University. A big part of the reason I chose USU was because it was so close to them.

It's only been a week since I've been with them in Texas for the wedding, but I'm homesick so I'm going up for Memorial Weekend and can't wait.

Here are a couple of pictures of a recent weekend up in the SV:

We spent one morning branding cattle. This was a feisty one so I sat on the fence and watched the whole time.  (Yuppie status.)

The newest member of the farm.

I sure love my grandpa. 

Rain.

And I always felt it before

That the world was filled with much more

Than the drowning soul I've learned to be

I just need the rain to remind me

I go silent when I have a lot on my mind and in my heart. The last few weeks have been one thing after the next: finals, performances, laying in my death-bed for 24 hours, graduation, senior recital, moving, work, wedding. But I've been with my family all the time and I have LOVED it. I haven't had this much family time since before I came to college so it was long overdue. Now I'm spoiled and all I want to do is spend all my time with them. I have lots of post coming with lots of pictures.

I got home Sunday night from from brother's wedding in Texas and I felt completely wasted. But it was raining and somehow that was exactly what I needed.

I can't really explain it, but I have always loved the rain. It rejuvenates me and cleanses my heart and soul. Weird, but true. Throw some thunder and lightening in there and I'm one happy girl.

I have a few weeks now to slow down and take in all the change from the last month or so before EFY starts (although, I wished that would start today). Thank you rain for coming in and washing away the things that needed to go and helping me prepare for the next step of this crazy journey.

Steamed Bum: The One Year Anniversary of Visiting China

Oh the children.

 This time a year ago I was in Beijing with Chamber Singers and was loving my life. I never posted as much as I wanted to about it because there are an overwhelming number of things to say about the whole experience, a lot of which are in my personal journals already. 

I will say this though: I was reading back in my journals from that spring to after I came home from China and noticed a change in myself. Towards the end of that school year I was feeling so small. I made some of the most difficult sacrifices I've ever had to make and it left me wondering if I would ever be deserving of good things. I didn't feel fulfilled and I couldn't get out of myself. 

Everything I experienced in China was what I needed to have a change of heart.

Even my family noticed a change in me. This new heart set the tone for the rest of my summer and it was one of the best I've had. I'm grateful for that opportunity I had to be there. It was a blessing really.

Changing gears now to reminisce about one of the absolute best memories of China times. The food. Now, unlike my siblings, I am not a picky eater. I'll pretty easily try anything at least once. I knew I wasn't going to have a problem with the food in China. Our hotel had buffet style meals for us every day complete with the english translation of what food we were eating. Here are just a few of such delicacies. 

Enjoy.

Acid Article Mutton - Tantalizing 

Onions Blasting Mutton - Divine

Chopped Garlic Rape(?!?!) - Scrumptious

Steamed Bum in Triangular Shape Stuffed with Sugar - Delightful

I'm not sure what pocket dictionary or online translation help they used, but I'm sure happy they did. 

For my other post on my time in China, click here

Checking In.

So... a lot has happened in the last month and a half. Here's what went down:

FEBRUARY (I pronounce the first R in FebRuary... get over it.)

• Bought a killer dress for my senior recital.
• Renewed my Brazilian Passport.
• Had a bridal shower for my dear friend Kacee. 
• Stayed awake 39 hours straight. That was particularly horrible.
• Lots of rehearsals for my Brazilian Jazz show.
• Sang for Chanticleer and went to their show.
• Met a man in Chanticleer that is the spitting image of Jon Hamm, aka Don Draper. AND his voice knows the frequency of my heart. (The fact that there are at least two men on the planet that handsome and talented gives me hope. He told me I looked like Natalie Portman - basically we're going to have beautiful children together.)
• Wept a thousand tears the night Kacee moved away for good.
• Sang on two radio shows (one Logan in, one in Salt Lake)
• Stressed out and lost sleep over my senior recital preview.

MARCH (I also pronounce the R in March)

• Had a great time singing bossa nova and samba tunes in a show and seeing many friends and family having a good time.
• My mom came to town. Spent a lot of time with my family.
• I went through the temple for the first time here in Logan. Incredible. 
• Accepted contracts to be an EFY counselor this summer in Texas, Massachusetts, and Palmyra, NY!  
• Went to Boise for Kacee and Shane's wedding - many tears of joy were shed.
• Spent the night with Jake and the wonderful Spjute family in Boise! I love momma Spjute. 
• Spent the night at the SLC Airport so we could make our early flight to Dallas in time.
• Spent a wonderful spring break on the beach in Brazil - Recife and Sao Paulo. 
• Prayed like I have never prayed before that I would pass my recital preview.
• Passed my recital preview with an A-. Tears of blessed joy!
• Gained weight - thank you spring break and delicious Brazilian food. 

And now it's the home stretch to graduation in a month! 

Everything is weird. 

And awesome. 

But mostly weird. 

So here's to more adventures!

11/21/2012

{Great Wall of China - May 2012}

Journal entry - 11/21/2012:

''...As always I have so much to be grateful for. I'm so grateful that I get to spend Thanksgiving with both of my siblings and so many of my extended family members. I'm finishing up school next semester. My graduation date is set and even though the end is in sight, I think the mountain I have to climb to get there will be the tallest, toughest, and maybe even (in some ways) the loneliest of all.

6 years of school straight is a long time to get an undergrad. Two more years than I planned or even wanted to. I could have been getting my Masters during this time... clearly that was not the greater plan.

But in the past two years I have been tested and I have been stretched and have I developed some of the greater qualities of my personality and character. I have also been blessed with the time to nurture and learn from relationships and friendships that have come to mean the most to me in the past couple of years... [I would never have met a couple of people that have become closest to me] ...And mine and Kacee's friendship would not have grown the way it has if we hadn't experienced some of the adventures and trials we've had together. 

In the past whenever things got hard I would have this insanely overwhelming desire and need to get out, escape, run away, and leave it all behind me. I would literally get in my car and start driving and I wouldn't want to stop or turn around. Heavenly Father knows best. Obviously I know that, but it's so humbling to see his hand so intimately working in my life. His fingerprints have marked every part of this journey, especially through college.

I'm excited to see what things are up ahead, because even as I remember the lowest of lows and the best of the best, I am filled with gratitude for all of it. I know without a doubt that I have been where I've needed to be. Not only do I know that I'm where I need to be, I'm where I want to be. That is a huge mark of how far I've come emotionally and spiritually..."


I'm climbing that mountain. 
And it is a climb.
It's everything I thought it would be and at the same time not what I expected at all.
But I'm grateful for the things I've come across on the path and I'm pretty excited for the things up ahead. 

Come what may and love it, right?

Making it count.

Star Valley Sky in the summertime. I could really go for some of this right now. 

I have a lot of really great thoughts.

As I'm walking from the Fine Arts building to the Taggart Student Center, or driving from teaching voice lessons to work to rehearsals I have a lot of time to think (and over-think) about things.

More often than not, my thoughts wander to how I can go the extra mile to serve others and show them I care. Even if it's just in little ways like writing them a note or taking time to call and ask how they are doing. 

I've thought of specific people and thought of their needs and made mental notes to take them to lunch or stop by and visit.
And then, for one reason or another, I don't do it.
How simple is it to call or write an email? Why don't I do it? Who knows. 

Like how this Christmas I wanted to do a little something extra for my accompanist who went above and beyond the call of duty last semester. 
And of course I didn't. 
I was talking to a friend about it over Christmas break and she said "it's the thought that counts, right?" 
Well, it didn't help my accompanist out any, and I'm not feeling particularly awesome about it either. In fact, I didn't really feel like that thought counted for anything. I was really bothered by it actually. 

I'm not much of a resolutions maker, but this past month, as an unofficial New Years resolution, I have tried to be better at turning these good thoughts into actions and it has made a lot of difference! It has not only made a difference for others, but I've noticed the difference it's made for me (especially in the last couple of weeks) know that I can make someones day a little better. 

Maybe for some the thought does count for enough.
I think it counts for a lot more when I actually do something with it. 

24 things for the start of 24

24.

Twenty-four.

That doesn't sound right.

But it is. 

I am 24 years old today. And like on every birthday I do in fact feel older. It's weird.

I've been showered with many greetings of "happy birthday" through cyberspace, text, and phone calls and I've felt very loved. Thank you to each of you who took the time to make me feel a little extra loved today. 

Here are some highlights of the past day and a half:

23 was a pretty big year for me, and in all honesty, it's going to be hard to top. But I know good things are in store for year 24 (still sounds weird...)

I saw this on another blog once and thought I try it out for my birthday this year: 

24 Things for the Start of 24

Three books that helped shape me:
Harry Potter Series (but really...)
These Is My Words
Book of Mormon

Seven Things I have Learned:
  Second, third, and sometimes fourth chances aren't always a bad thing.
Be more kind than you feel at any given moment.
Dancing it out helps clear your head.
You can't change people. And that's okay.
Crying doesn't mean you're weak. 
Don't over plan your life. Leave room for the unexpected. (I'm still learning this)
Gratitude is an instant quick fix to a bad mood.

Two things I wish I could relive:
 The entire summer - including going to China last May
Christmas Eve and Day
 

Three things I wish I could do, but might never happen:
Write my own music and record a CD
Go to Europe for a summer. Or any time at all.
Get a Masters Degree.

Two things that, guaranteed, make my day better:

  Receiving a letter or note from a friend
Mumford & Sons

Three things that inspire me:

My friends. Good ideas and good advice
My grandparents

Music (how's that for specific?)

Three things that mean everything to me:

Family 

The Temple

Spending quality time with the people I care about most

 

One thing I want to change before 25: 
I want to be better at telling and showing others that I love them without being afraid of the consequences.


I have so much to catch up on this blog and in my own journals. It has been an eventful two months. Where did the time go? Lots to think about and to look forward to!