The Stars are Brightly Shining

Love Is Christmas

I don’t care if the house is packed,
Or the strings of light are broken.
I don’t care if the gifts are wrapped,
Or there’s nothing here to open.

Love is not a toy, and no paper will conceal it.
Love is simply joy that I’m home.

I don’t care if the carpet's stained; we've got food upon our table.
I don’t care if it’s gonna rain, our little room is warm and stable.

Love is who we are, and no season can contain it.
Love would never fall for that.

Let love lead us, love is Christmas.

Why so scared that you’ll mess it up? When perfection keeps you haunted.
All we need is your best my love, that’s all anyone ever wanted.

Love is how we do, let no judgment overrule it.
Love I look to you, and I sing.

Let love lead us, love is Christmas.
Let love lead us, love is Christmas.

It's Time.

See that white stuff outside? I know it's in NJ/NY, and we're getting some right now in Logan-town. Yes sir, it's the kind of day where I'll be walking around with a hot beverage in my hands - preferably the Salted Carmel Hot Choc. from Starbucks or the Truffel Hot Choco goodness from Kneaders, either will suffice. 

It's also time to bust out my favorite seasonal tune (notice how I didn't say holiday there?) by two ladies that I very much enjoy listening to year round. 

Even if this weather only lasts for the weekend, I'll be taking it in.

Listen and enjoy. 

Yes the cartoonish portrayal is a little strange... don't judge it. Just love it. 

Attitude of Gratitude: Laughter

Has anyone else felt like today was a weird day?

Maybe it was because I was pretty much fighting demons in my sleep last night, or maybe it's because of all the negative energy people have been releasing from the outcome of the elections (knock it off already - no one needs bad juju). Whatever it is, I've been in real funk today. 

Which is why I am SO grateful for laughter.

Learning to laugh has been one of the most valuable lessons I've ever learned. It gets me through some strange and trying times. Sometimes life throws you a curve-ball, like when I unexpectedly had to move out of my house in the middle of December during finals week of my most difficult semester at school. Trust me when I say it was a pretty rough time of life, but I laughed about it then and I can laugh about it now. There are literally some days where there is nothing else I can do except laugh. The people I love being around most are the ones that I can let loose and laugh with. I'm grateful for the people that know me and my sense of humor well enough to laugh right along with me. 

Like after a very fateful date a couple of years ago. 

Story time: It was a first date and this guy (I'll call him S) brought me to his brother's house to play games and watch a movie with his older brothers and each of their wives. S had already asked me out the week before and wanted me to cook him Brazilian food (red flag #1)... I thought that was a little strange and luckily I was already going to be out of town so I had to decline. So When he asked me out again and told me the plan, I felt it was pretty safe. S and his family were very nice, and he let me know that he was looking to be married and planned on it being really soon. Red flag #2. So meeting the family and having them ask when we're getting married was a little too much for me on a first date. Red  flag #3 (did I need any more?). Not long into the evening I realized I couldn't really see myself with this guy for longer than however long the night would last (I'll spare you all the details that led me to that particular conclusion...). When he dropped me off, I realized I had forgotten my keys and all my roommates were out of town. S and I tried to break in without any success (that was certainly something to laugh about right there), but I strangely had my spare car key in my purse. He called his brother, told him the situation, and his bro said to come back to his place where S and I could share the hide-a-bed. Seriously? That was the icing on the cake right there. But I followed S in my own car back to his bro's apartment. I was texting and calling everyone I could who might find it in their hearts to take me in for the night. It was close to 1 AM and everyone had gone home for Christmas Break, so things were looking pretty bleak. I was in serious need of a bonafide Christmas Miracle. I finally just texted someone (let's call him D) who I knew would laugh about the hilariosity and the uncomfortable atrocitation of this night with me. He definitely laughed with me. He also told me he was with his family at his mom's house in Providence where I was more than welcome to spend the night and where I would have my own room. I quickly took him up on his offer, told S and his bro's family thanks and headed out in the opposite direction. I got to Providence where D and I laughed about my night and about so many other things. Since then, we've shared some pretty hilarious times together.

He's always been really great at hearing me out, giving me some perspective, and especially laughing with me.

Laughter is a really great way to bring people together and it makes the journey so much more enjoyable. So next time you're tempted to complain, or groan, or be really mad about something, attempt to laugh instead.
Give me call, I'd love to laugh with you. 

Source: blogginwithbobbi.blogspot.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

Attitude of Gratitude: The Cartees

It is finally here.

My favorite season, month, weather, and all around favorite time of year are going on right now. There are only 21 days to Thanksgiving and 54 days until Christmas (but who's counting...) and I could not be more excited!

To be honest, it's a little bittersweet saying goodbye to October. There were some major highlights, but there were some things I was happy to get through with my sanity still intact... and maybe I'm still working on getting through some of that. 

With that being said, Thanksgiving is coming up! This holiday has always been one that is near and dear to my heart. I've had some pretty incredible Thanksgivings the past few years (some WAY more adventurous than others...) and it's really made me reflect on how grateful I am for the things that I have gone through and for the people that have in one way or another contributed to who I am and where I am today.

So I am in the mood to be a little more vocal about these things that I am grateful for ('tis the season), because honestly, there are some things for which I will never be able to express enough gratitude. And I promise not every post will be this long and without pictures, but this is my blog and and extension of my journal so I don't care if people think it's long and boring.

Story time: 

(If you're not LDS, some terms might not make sense to you, but you'll understand the story.)

   It was the end of my third year of college and I just had my heart broken. We've all been there. This this was a particularly terrible breakup... it still makes me a little ill to think about those days. Dark times. On top of all that, I had been really stressed out and feeling lost because I had no plans; no job, nowhere to live. I had to be out of my apartment by a certain date and I was leaving to go visit my dad in Brazil for a few weeks right after school got out so it was difficult to find a job or a place to live and to leave all of my belongings. I knew I wasn't going (nor did I want to) go back to NJ to live with my family for the summer and I knew I needed to stay in Utah. I was praying harder than I had in a while. 

   One particular Sunday I was pretty much praying for a miracle even though I felt like I was less than deserving of one. So I sat there during the service with a prayer in my heart wondering how I was going to get through the coming week. After sacrament meeting the the High Councilman's wife, Ruth Cartee, came up to me asking me what my plans were for the summer and if I was going to be staying in the ward. I told her I wasn't sure because I was in a little bit of a tight spot where I was going to be homeless in a few days and I kind of laughed it off like it was no big deal (that's how I cope sometimes). Then right there, on the spot, without thinking twice about it, she offered me the spare bedroom in her home and invited me to come and live with her and her family for the summer or as long as I needed to free of charge, no strings attached.

Seriously?

Is this real life?

You want to talk about people who are heaven sent and answers to prayers, Sister Cartee was just that person. For a moment, I didn't take her seriously, I mean, how could I because this was too good to be true. So I laughed and I asked her if she needed to ask her husband first, and being the sassy lady that she is said "I'm the boss and he thinks the world of you and he'll be happy to have you there too." She was completely serious. When I realized what had landed in my lap it literally felt like a weight had been lifted (sounds a little contradictory, I know). In this particular ward I wasn't very social and didn't really tell people anything about my life and mostly just kept to myself, so there is no way she knew about what was going on in my life unless some kind of inspiration just entered her mind, which is truly what I believe happened.

I moved into their beautiful home just a few days after that. I pretty much had my own little apartment in there. It was a huge blessing. (Side note: The following week while I was in Brazil a friend of mine told me she found a house and asked me to be one of her housemates for the school year, another miracle in itself.) The Cartees invited me back the following summer. They are both a little older and retired, but still hardworking people. They have a beautiful garden which they take excellent care of and grow pretty much all of their own vegetables and some fruit. I loved just sitting in their front room with them, listening to their stories and chatting about life. I'm a little bit of an old soul so I love being with people and knowing their stories, especially those who have a few more years life experience under their belts. Ruth and Ray Cartee are like my second grandparents. They even come to my shows and concerts. I love these people like my own family and will never be able to truly express to them what the two summers I spent with them meant to me. It was some of the most defining times of life and they took me in and loved me like I was their granddaughter. I still go out to their place and visit them when I can and every time I drive out there it feels like I'm driving home. 

I already plan to head out to their place sometime soon to give them some more thanks and to share the love. 

Bottom line: Go thank someone who helped you out in a time of need, big or small. 

BIG FAT PS (as if this wasn't already a novel of a post...) I am SO grateful that my friends and family in NJ and NY are safe and doing alright after Hurricane Sandy. There was definitely a lot of destruction, but seriously, there are some STRONG people out there and I know everyone is doing their part and helping each other out. 

Lots to be thankful for this year. 

The Cure for a Nationwide Epidemic

In case you haven't noticed, there is a serious kicking epidemic in Football these days.
And I'm pretty sure the cure is having more guys like this.




Can we get him to Utah State, please?

"You'll shoot your eye out, kid!" and other weekend adventures.

(Actually, you'll probably shoot more than just your eye out with the gun we were using -  It definitely wasn't a Red Ryder BB gun.)

On Saturday I had an 8 AM meeting and then work until 3.
Which was fun.
But not really.

I went on a double date that was real fun though! Tim and I, and Jake and Audrey wet to a shooting range and shot with Tim's gun. The guys showed off (naturally), but Audrey and I were a bit rusty. We each took turns shooting clay pigeons. I felt like I was doing the walk of shame back to everyone if I didn't hit one. But I finally did! In fact, I hit 6. And I brought fruit-roll-ups to share as a snack for everyone. I'm so thoughtful.

 

Matching Shrek ears and North Face jackets.

Jake helping out "Goddess Divine" aka: Audrey

 

We shot for a while and then went home to get ready to go to Salt Lake City to see the Opera Il Trovatore at the Capitol Theatre.

I imagine that for most people, when they hear the word opera they think of this:

  

or this:

( I LOVE Phantom, but please understand - this is NOT opera)

Well, the performance I went to was not like either of these things. 

There were some really beautiful moments and I love the story of Il Trovatore, and it's a Verdi opera so it's really lovely music. I think being a vocal performance major has turned me into a bit of a snob because I'm a little critical when I go to these kinds of things. I expect a lot. The tenor and the soprano leads weren't too bad, but the baritone and the mezzo were kicking some butt. We enjoyed it overall and we went and got In-n-Out afterwards which was the greatest. 

Guns, Opera, In-n-Out, and great people: it's a pretty good life

Us after the opera. (Sorry it's blurry, but it's the only one we got!)

I Will Rise

My dear friend Kristopher King passed away at the end of the summer right before school started this year. It was very sudden. Kris and I did our Junior Recital together this past Spring and went to China with the Chamber singers together in May. I could write so many things about our memories together and the profound impact that he had on me and on all that knew him.

My heart was so full yesterday. Kris's mother flew in for the Chamber Singers Fall concert last night and came to our rehearsal yesterday. It was such a sweet experience having her there and feeling of her love. Last night at the concert, one of the songs we sang was in memory of him. Kris was a scholarship student from Brooklyn and his story is incredible. Before the song, Dean Craig Jessop came up and told the story of how he met Kris and offered him a scholarship. Then he invited Deborah and the president of Utah State University President Albrecht up on stage and they presented her with Kris's diploma. Deborah said a few words and told us how Kris is the first person in her family to graduate from college.  The hall was packed and everyone gave her a standing ovation, it was a really incredible thing to be a part of. Needless to say tears shed by many including myself (and I'm not a cryer!), I thought I had shed enough when his mother was at our rehearsal, but sure enough, the floodgates were still wide open.

And then we had to sing.

Jared, Belen, and I were the soloists in this piece and it was definitely an emotional mountain to climb for us. But I'm grateful for the opportunity to join my voice my my friends (and I believe with Kris's) and provide comfort to a mother who's heart is broken. There was a little get together for Chamber Singers and Deborah right ofter the performance and we got to meet her and tell her experiences we had with Kris. That woman has a lot of love to give and being with her is like being with Kris, it was so great.

I'm just so grateful for the people I have met and been able to know here in Logan. It's a little overwhelming to think of all the experiences I've had and how much I have changed in the past few years all because of the people I have known and loved and that have loved me.

Let's all just love a little more, ok?

Last night's performance.

A friend in the audience recorded this. And I hope he doesn't mind that I'm using this.

 Thanks, K!

Mother Nature can sometimes be the best decorator

It is officially my favorite season (as of a week ago now?). Growing up in New England and the Northeast Coast gave me a real love for Autumn and everything that came with it. Living in Utah has made me appreciate it even more because it is so short out here and I get little pangs of homesickness every year around this time.

My dream is to end up in a place where fall lasts more than a couple of weeks (not in Northern Utah) in a place with a lot of land in a home with a wrap around porch surrounded by big oak and maple trees. Maybe something like this:

 

(minus that siding and adding the wrap around porch of course.. but hey, I'd probably be happy with this too.)

 Is that too much to ask?

 

Why is Fall my favorite season? Well to name a few things... (other than how GORGEOUS it is outside...)

• crunchy piles of leaves
• apple picking and pumpkin picking. which leads to...
• pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and caramel apples. Heaven bless.  
• boots, hoodies, and jeans.
• the crisp air and how nice it is to cuddle up to someone (who you hopefully really like)
• Knowing that my two favorite holidays are just around the corner!!! I live for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Last Sunday afternoon I went on a drive up Logan Canyon with my two lovely friends Taneesa and Rebecca (R has a cute blog here and she is a super talented musician - I have really talented friends!).

I was in a little bit of a funk that weekend, but then I went to Brigham City Temple dedication which was so great to be a part of, and it put a lot of things into perspective for me which is what I need sometimes. Then the drive through the canyon and a musical fireside that night brought it all together for me. 

So I'll be soaking it up while it's around.
Here's to some good times this Fall.

I've figured it out...

... I'm a really bad blogger because I kick butt at writing in my journal.

Seriously.

I can fill up an average size journal (about 250 pages) in no more than four months. I've been writing in journals since I can remember. I can remember my first journal from when I was about 4 years old: it was this Lisa Frank journal with a lock on it. Don't know what Lisa Frank's designs look like? You must not be a child of the 90's. Let me give you an idea.

(notice that gypsy pig fortune teller one? What in the world...)

I promise have better taste now. 

I write in a lot of detail in my own journal and don't have the energy most days to re-create another entry for the blog.

So here's what I'm going to do. I have a few of my journals from the past 10 years of my life with me here in Logan. At least once a week I'll post an entry from one of my journals (names will be changed to protect the innocent, and maybe not so innocent...). And of course I'll try to keep up on the most recent happenings of my life, because there have been a lot. Good, bad, definitely ugly, and definitely hilarious... Like getting trapped in a bathroom stall because someone parked one of those handicapped cruisers right up against the door of the stall I was in. Not cool. 

We'll see how this works out for the next little while. This could be really funny or really bad. Ha.

Love only knows.

 

(Mumford and Sons know too.)

         [all images via pinterest]

Uh, when did you grow up?

Look at this gem from Thanksgiving/Christmas in Star Valley circa 2005. This spunky little girl full of love and loved to chat. Loved all of Greek mythology and Pokemon.

She grew up and graduated high school.
Whoa.

Still quite the spunk.
We're weirdos.
My dad was behind the camera probably giving us the prompt "you're a llama!" and this is what we interpreted that to mean.

This cute (not so little) girl graduated from John P. Stevens High School back in June. 100% humidity and 104 degrees. That is not an exaggeration. I thought people were going to pass out in the Rutgers basketball stadium. But it was so fun to be there and to see her walk to get her diploma. My brother couldn't make it from Texas, so he was missed. Kimberley, me, my grandparents, and my parents all went to Benihana's to celebrate afterwards.

Don't worry, my grandpa is having a good time, that's just the face he makes for everything.

So... Today I just bought a plane ticket to go back to New Jersey to drive back out to Utah with Kimberley and my mom for my sister's freshman year of COLLEGE! Yeah... when did you grow up?
We'll be stopping in Nauvoo along the way, something I am extremely excited for! Pictures and stories to come for sure.

Love a good adventure.

Once upon a time in China [Part 1]

So this past May I had the incredible opportunity to go to Beijing, China with the choir I'm in at School. It was exactly what I needed and it could not have come at a better time.

So much happened in the 9 days we were there so I'm going to give it to you little by little.

Let me tell you about some friends that I made:

Meet Wendy (in the hat) and Judy (in the pink).
Story time:
   Kacee and I were walking around the area close to our hotel. There were beautiful parks and old people doing Tai Chi and little kids all over the place. LOVED it. We went to this one park and found this lovely pond with a bridge and waterfall. There were tons of people surrounding this pond and taking pictures of it. We couldn't really tell what was going on and so we took a closer look.

They were looking at ducks.

They were going crazy over a family of ducks like they've never seen live ducks before in their life. So of course we got in on the hype. We took some pictures and as we were moving closer to the pond we heard someone behind us say in broken English "go down there, you can take better pictures down there." We turn around an see this smiley little woman. She heard us speaking English and started to talk to us. We found out her english name is Judy and we chatted with her for about 45 minutes. Judy just glowed. She told us about how important being happy and making others happy is and how we should have charity and show that to everyone. This woman was the most positive and pleasant lady I've ever been around. As we were talking with her I kept thinking about how much I wanted to share the gospel with her, but it's illegal in China right now.
  The longer we talked the more people would stand around and listen to us. This one lady came up to us and couldn't speak a word of English, but it was clear that she and Judy were friends so Just translated for her. She was loving us! We got a kick out of her and she asked us to give her an American name. So we named her Wendy.
   Then we noticed this mom and her little son standing nearby watching us as well and they came up to us. The little boy wanted to "communicate" with us so he told us how old he was in English. I'm pretty sure that's all he could say.

Here is my buddy. I named him Ping because I couldn't pronounce his Chinese name. So fun.
The last little friend we made was this darling baby girl whose grandparents brought her up to us and had us hold her. She was a doll. She was also really interested in my nose. Probably because it's huge.

 

Such an awesome day being with these people and it set the tone for the rest of our time there. I loved the Chinese people and was so impressed by so many things.

I love traveling to different countries, and I've been really blessed to have been to some incredible places. 

Bottom line: I have learned that if you want to get the most out of where you are, go be with the people because those interactions are what will stay with you long after you have left.

There's more to tell:

  Forbidden City

  Summer Palace

  Tienanmen Square
  The Great Wall
  Jade Factory
  Sheldon Poon and the LDS branch.

Lots.

Remember three months ago?

Remember how three months ago I had not been to China and climbed the Great Wall, or seen my little sister graduate high school? Remember how 3 months ago today I was feeling like this? Remember how I didn't know that I was going to be an EFY counselor for a second summer in a row? Remember how life never goes the way you expect it and a lot happens in 3 months?

You don't remember?

Well I do.
Allow me to share just a little.

I have adventures to tell. Don't you worry, I will update soon.

Time

When I didn't have time (like during this past school year), all I wished for was time...

Time to make new friends. Time to nurture relationships with old friends. Time to do nothing if I wanted to. Time to discover and learn new music. Time to feel. Time to replace my bad habits with good habits. Time to serve. Time to really study the the scriptures. Time to figure it out. Time to let it go. Time to go to the temple. Time to love. Time to stay in love. Time to remember. Time to forgive. Time to ask for forgiveness. Time to know who I am. Time to like who I am. Time to know my Savior. Time to organize. Time to prepare. Time to LAUGH. Time to play. Time to read. Time to teach. Time to dance. Time to take it all in. Time to slow down. Time to be with family. Time to sleep. Time to be silly. Time to take pictures. Time to understand. Time to be alone. Time to listen. Time to write in my journal. Time to make a phone call. Time to write a letter. Time to be inspired. Time to find direction.

It is now summer. 

I have nothing BUT time. 

Now I have time to think about all the things in my life that I didn't have time (and didn't want) to think about before... My days are extra long when I'm left to be with my own thoughts for the majority of the day. 

This transition between school schedule and summer schedule is has been a bit of a weird one for me. I'm learning I just need to give these changes time.

BUT: I love it. I get to spend my day with 2 awesome children and they make me laugh (and they frustrate me). I love being silly, playing with sidewalk chalk, reading Goodnight Moon at least 5x a day, eating popsicles outside, singing You Are My Sunshine and the ABC's. It's the simple things.

Bottom Line: I'm learning to love having time again, and I'm remembering what to do with it.

Thoughts:

Change.
The air is thick with it.

Today my heart is heavy.
It was a weird day for my achy heart and my crazy head and I'm glad I had a few friends around to laugh with me because I needed some laughter.


I love Sundays. I love the peace that comes with knowing that there is a plan. It's a plan of happiness and it is perfect. My heart might be heavy, but I know that my Savior knows exactly what I am feeling in the darkest chambers of my heart because he has experienced it. There needs to be pain if we are to grow spiritually and be made holy. There are certain experiences that have been made sacred to me because of the things that have happened and the feelings that I have felt and the person I have become as a result.

Be careful what you pray for. I've been praying to experience a change of heart and sure enough that's exactly what I'm getting. I look back at the last defining "change of heart" I had and I can honestly say it was one of the hardest things I've been through, I would even say that it was pretty close to being as hard as the fallout of my parents' separation and (soon) divorce. Pretty bad. What a blessing those trials have been because I learned how to tap in to the power of the Atonement in a way that I never knew existed. My capacity to show compassion, to love, and to forgive has grown.  My relationship with my Savior and Heavenly Father became much more meaningful. I'm still SO imperfect, but I'm doing what I can.

Bottom line:
Trust more
Serve more.
Love more.

I really do love Sundays.