Steamed Bum: The One Year Anniversary of Visiting China

Oh the children.

 This time a year ago I was in Beijing with Chamber Singers and was loving my life. I never posted as much as I wanted to about it because there are an overwhelming number of things to say about the whole experience, a lot of which are in my personal journals already. 

I will say this though: I was reading back in my journals from that spring to after I came home from China and noticed a change in myself. Towards the end of that school year I was feeling so small. I made some of the most difficult sacrifices I've ever had to make and it left me wondering if I would ever be deserving of good things. I didn't feel fulfilled and I couldn't get out of myself. 

Everything I experienced in China was what I needed to have a change of heart.

Even my family noticed a change in me. This new heart set the tone for the rest of my summer and it was one of the best I've had. I'm grateful for that opportunity I had to be there. It was a blessing really.

Changing gears now to reminisce about one of the absolute best memories of China times. The food. Now, unlike my siblings, I am not a picky eater. I'll pretty easily try anything at least once. I knew I wasn't going to have a problem with the food in China. Our hotel had buffet style meals for us every day complete with the english translation of what food we were eating. Here are just a few of such delicacies. 

Enjoy.

Acid Article Mutton - Tantalizing 

Onions Blasting Mutton - Divine

Chopped Garlic Rape(?!?!) - Scrumptious

Steamed Bum in Triangular Shape Stuffed with Sugar - Delightful

I'm not sure what pocket dictionary or online translation help they used, but I'm sure happy they did. 

For my other post on my time in China, click here

11/21/2012

{Great Wall of China - May 2012}

Journal entry - 11/21/2012:

''...As always I have so much to be grateful for. I'm so grateful that I get to spend Thanksgiving with both of my siblings and so many of my extended family members. I'm finishing up school next semester. My graduation date is set and even though the end is in sight, I think the mountain I have to climb to get there will be the tallest, toughest, and maybe even (in some ways) the loneliest of all.

6 years of school straight is a long time to get an undergrad. Two more years than I planned or even wanted to. I could have been getting my Masters during this time... clearly that was not the greater plan.

But in the past two years I have been tested and I have been stretched and have I developed some of the greater qualities of my personality and character. I have also been blessed with the time to nurture and learn from relationships and friendships that have come to mean the most to me in the past couple of years... [I would never have met a couple of people that have become closest to me] ...And mine and Kacee's friendship would not have grown the way it has if we hadn't experienced some of the adventures and trials we've had together. 

In the past whenever things got hard I would have this insanely overwhelming desire and need to get out, escape, run away, and leave it all behind me. I would literally get in my car and start driving and I wouldn't want to stop or turn around. Heavenly Father knows best. Obviously I know that, but it's so humbling to see his hand so intimately working in my life. His fingerprints have marked every part of this journey, especially through college.

I'm excited to see what things are up ahead, because even as I remember the lowest of lows and the best of the best, I am filled with gratitude for all of it. I know without a doubt that I have been where I've needed to be. Not only do I know that I'm where I need to be, I'm where I want to be. That is a huge mark of how far I've come emotionally and spiritually..."


I'm climbing that mountain. 
And it is a climb.
It's everything I thought it would be and at the same time not what I expected at all.
But I'm grateful for the things I've come across on the path and I'm pretty excited for the things up ahead. 

Come what may and love it, right?

Attitude of Gratitude: The Cartees

It is finally here.

My favorite season, month, weather, and all around favorite time of year are going on right now. There are only 21 days to Thanksgiving and 54 days until Christmas (but who's counting...) and I could not be more excited!

To be honest, it's a little bittersweet saying goodbye to October. There were some major highlights, but there were some things I was happy to get through with my sanity still intact... and maybe I'm still working on getting through some of that. 

With that being said, Thanksgiving is coming up! This holiday has always been one that is near and dear to my heart. I've had some pretty incredible Thanksgivings the past few years (some WAY more adventurous than others...) and it's really made me reflect on how grateful I am for the things that I have gone through and for the people that have in one way or another contributed to who I am and where I am today.

So I am in the mood to be a little more vocal about these things that I am grateful for ('tis the season), because honestly, there are some things for which I will never be able to express enough gratitude. And I promise not every post will be this long and without pictures, but this is my blog and and extension of my journal so I don't care if people think it's long and boring.

Story time: 

(If you're not LDS, some terms might not make sense to you, but you'll understand the story.)

   It was the end of my third year of college and I just had my heart broken. We've all been there. This this was a particularly terrible breakup... it still makes me a little ill to think about those days. Dark times. On top of all that, I had been really stressed out and feeling lost because I had no plans; no job, nowhere to live. I had to be out of my apartment by a certain date and I was leaving to go visit my dad in Brazil for a few weeks right after school got out so it was difficult to find a job or a place to live and to leave all of my belongings. I knew I wasn't going (nor did I want to) go back to NJ to live with my family for the summer and I knew I needed to stay in Utah. I was praying harder than I had in a while. 

   One particular Sunday I was pretty much praying for a miracle even though I felt like I was less than deserving of one. So I sat there during the service with a prayer in my heart wondering how I was going to get through the coming week. After sacrament meeting the the High Councilman's wife, Ruth Cartee, came up to me asking me what my plans were for the summer and if I was going to be staying in the ward. I told her I wasn't sure because I was in a little bit of a tight spot where I was going to be homeless in a few days and I kind of laughed it off like it was no big deal (that's how I cope sometimes). Then right there, on the spot, without thinking twice about it, she offered me the spare bedroom in her home and invited me to come and live with her and her family for the summer or as long as I needed to free of charge, no strings attached.

Seriously?

Is this real life?

You want to talk about people who are heaven sent and answers to prayers, Sister Cartee was just that person. For a moment, I didn't take her seriously, I mean, how could I because this was too good to be true. So I laughed and I asked her if she needed to ask her husband first, and being the sassy lady that she is said "I'm the boss and he thinks the world of you and he'll be happy to have you there too." She was completely serious. When I realized what had landed in my lap it literally felt like a weight had been lifted (sounds a little contradictory, I know). In this particular ward I wasn't very social and didn't really tell people anything about my life and mostly just kept to myself, so there is no way she knew about what was going on in my life unless some kind of inspiration just entered her mind, which is truly what I believe happened.

I moved into their beautiful home just a few days after that. I pretty much had my own little apartment in there. It was a huge blessing. (Side note: The following week while I was in Brazil a friend of mine told me she found a house and asked me to be one of her housemates for the school year, another miracle in itself.) The Cartees invited me back the following summer. They are both a little older and retired, but still hardworking people. They have a beautiful garden which they take excellent care of and grow pretty much all of their own vegetables and some fruit. I loved just sitting in their front room with them, listening to their stories and chatting about life. I'm a little bit of an old soul so I love being with people and knowing their stories, especially those who have a few more years life experience under their belts. Ruth and Ray Cartee are like my second grandparents. They even come to my shows and concerts. I love these people like my own family and will never be able to truly express to them what the two summers I spent with them meant to me. It was some of the most defining times of life and they took me in and loved me like I was their granddaughter. I still go out to their place and visit them when I can and every time I drive out there it feels like I'm driving home. 

I already plan to head out to their place sometime soon to give them some more thanks and to share the love. 

Bottom line: Go thank someone who helped you out in a time of need, big or small. 

BIG FAT PS (as if this wasn't already a novel of a post...) I am SO grateful that my friends and family in NJ and NY are safe and doing alright after Hurricane Sandy. There was definitely a lot of destruction, but seriously, there are some STRONG people out there and I know everyone is doing their part and helping each other out. 

Lots to be thankful for this year. 

I Will Rise

My dear friend Kristopher King passed away at the end of the summer right before school started this year. It was very sudden. Kris and I did our Junior Recital together this past Spring and went to China with the Chamber singers together in May. I could write so many things about our memories together and the profound impact that he had on me and on all that knew him.

My heart was so full yesterday. Kris's mother flew in for the Chamber Singers Fall concert last night and came to our rehearsal yesterday. It was such a sweet experience having her there and feeling of her love. Last night at the concert, one of the songs we sang was in memory of him. Kris was a scholarship student from Brooklyn and his story is incredible. Before the song, Dean Craig Jessop came up and told the story of how he met Kris and offered him a scholarship. Then he invited Deborah and the president of Utah State University President Albrecht up on stage and they presented her with Kris's diploma. Deborah said a few words and told us how Kris is the first person in her family to graduate from college.  The hall was packed and everyone gave her a standing ovation, it was a really incredible thing to be a part of. Needless to say tears shed by many including myself (and I'm not a cryer!), I thought I had shed enough when his mother was at our rehearsal, but sure enough, the floodgates were still wide open.

And then we had to sing.

Jared, Belen, and I were the soloists in this piece and it was definitely an emotional mountain to climb for us. But I'm grateful for the opportunity to join my voice my my friends (and I believe with Kris's) and provide comfort to a mother who's heart is broken. There was a little get together for Chamber Singers and Deborah right ofter the performance and we got to meet her and tell her experiences we had with Kris. That woman has a lot of love to give and being with her is like being with Kris, it was so great.

I'm just so grateful for the people I have met and been able to know here in Logan. It's a little overwhelming to think of all the experiences I've had and how much I have changed in the past few years all because of the people I have known and loved and that have loved me.

Let's all just love a little more, ok?

Last night's performance.

A friend in the audience recorded this. And I hope he doesn't mind that I'm using this.

 Thanks, K!

Mother Nature can sometimes be the best decorator

It is officially my favorite season (as of a week ago now?). Growing up in New England and the Northeast Coast gave me a real love for Autumn and everything that came with it. Living in Utah has made me appreciate it even more because it is so short out here and I get little pangs of homesickness every year around this time.

My dream is to end up in a place where fall lasts more than a couple of weeks (not in Northern Utah) in a place with a lot of land in a home with a wrap around porch surrounded by big oak and maple trees. Maybe something like this:

 

(minus that siding and adding the wrap around porch of course.. but hey, I'd probably be happy with this too.)

 Is that too much to ask?

 

Why is Fall my favorite season? Well to name a few things... (other than how GORGEOUS it is outside...)

• crunchy piles of leaves
• apple picking and pumpkin picking. which leads to...
• pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and caramel apples. Heaven bless.  
• boots, hoodies, and jeans.
• the crisp air and how nice it is to cuddle up to someone (who you hopefully really like)
• Knowing that my two favorite holidays are just around the corner!!! I live for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Last Sunday afternoon I went on a drive up Logan Canyon with my two lovely friends Taneesa and Rebecca (R has a cute blog here and she is a super talented musician - I have really talented friends!).

I was in a little bit of a funk that weekend, but then I went to Brigham City Temple dedication which was so great to be a part of, and it put a lot of things into perspective for me which is what I need sometimes. Then the drive through the canyon and a musical fireside that night brought it all together for me. 

So I'll be soaking it up while it's around.
Here's to some good times this Fall.

Love only knows.

 

(Mumford and Sons know too.)

         [all images via pinterest]

Once upon a time in China [Part 1]

So this past May I had the incredible opportunity to go to Beijing, China with the choir I'm in at School. It was exactly what I needed and it could not have come at a better time.

So much happened in the 9 days we were there so I'm going to give it to you little by little.

Let me tell you about some friends that I made:

Meet Wendy (in the hat) and Judy (in the pink).
Story time:
   Kacee and I were walking around the area close to our hotel. There were beautiful parks and old people doing Tai Chi and little kids all over the place. LOVED it. We went to this one park and found this lovely pond with a bridge and waterfall. There were tons of people surrounding this pond and taking pictures of it. We couldn't really tell what was going on and so we took a closer look.

They were looking at ducks.

They were going crazy over a family of ducks like they've never seen live ducks before in their life. So of course we got in on the hype. We took some pictures and as we were moving closer to the pond we heard someone behind us say in broken English "go down there, you can take better pictures down there." We turn around an see this smiley little woman. She heard us speaking English and started to talk to us. We found out her english name is Judy and we chatted with her for about 45 minutes. Judy just glowed. She told us about how important being happy and making others happy is and how we should have charity and show that to everyone. This woman was the most positive and pleasant lady I've ever been around. As we were talking with her I kept thinking about how much I wanted to share the gospel with her, but it's illegal in China right now.
  The longer we talked the more people would stand around and listen to us. This one lady came up to us and couldn't speak a word of English, but it was clear that she and Judy were friends so Just translated for her. She was loving us! We got a kick out of her and she asked us to give her an American name. So we named her Wendy.
   Then we noticed this mom and her little son standing nearby watching us as well and they came up to us. The little boy wanted to "communicate" with us so he told us how old he was in English. I'm pretty sure that's all he could say.

Here is my buddy. I named him Ping because I couldn't pronounce his Chinese name. So fun.
The last little friend we made was this darling baby girl whose grandparents brought her up to us and had us hold her. She was a doll. She was also really interested in my nose. Probably because it's huge.

 

Such an awesome day being with these people and it set the tone for the rest of our time there. I loved the Chinese people and was so impressed by so many things.

I love traveling to different countries, and I've been really blessed to have been to some incredible places. 

Bottom line: I have learned that if you want to get the most out of where you are, go be with the people because those interactions are what will stay with you long after you have left.

There's more to tell:

  Forbidden City

  Summer Palace

  Tienanmen Square
  The Great Wall
  Jade Factory
  Sheldon Poon and the LDS branch.

Lots.

Remember three months ago?

Remember how three months ago I had not been to China and climbed the Great Wall, or seen my little sister graduate high school? Remember how 3 months ago today I was feeling like this? Remember how I didn't know that I was going to be an EFY counselor for a second summer in a row? Remember how life never goes the way you expect it and a lot happens in 3 months?

You don't remember?

Well I do.
Allow me to share just a little.

I have adventures to tell. Don't you worry, I will update soon.

Happy List

Oh today... You know those days where it is disappointment after disappointment? That's today. so many things have fallen through or are on the brink of falling through. It's really putting a damper in my day.

So I'm going to make a list of things that make me happy because lists make me happy.

Here's to Happiness

1. The smell warm rainy days.

2. Happy Hour at Sonic. Strawberry Limeade, mmhmm. 

3. Live music - any of it, orchestras, Ingrid concerts, I love it all. 

4. Writing and receiving handwritten letters. It's a lost art. 

5. Discovering new music. 

6. Camping! I can't wait for summer!!!!

7. Long drives into Logan Canyon. 

8. Traveling. 

9. Naps. I forgot how much I loved them

10. That feeling you get when you're reading a really great book for the 2nd time and the characters are like long lost friends. 

I feel better now.

The Cure for an Achey Heart

It's been a funny week. My heart is achey and there have been a lot of ups and downs. Last night I went down to Salt Lake and saw my girl Ingrid Michaelson sing it up. Definitely one of the top 3 best concerts I've ever been to. I think she is better live than on her recordings, so she has earned some brownie points and a special place in this girls achey heart. And that heart was a lot less achey last night for sure, in fact it was the best medicine for it. So thank you Ingrid for a really awesome time and for giving this girl something else to feel for a while. 

 

Absence

Well, it has definitely been a time and a half. A nine month hiatus leaves a lot to be discussed. I've come to learn a lot about myself. Mostly how I am my own worst enemy. I truly have not felt like myself for the past year of my life and it has everything to do with some serious walls I built for myself. I told myself I was done being vulnerable and I wasn't going to let anything get to me. So I haven't. Brick by brick I have built a masterpiece of a fortress around me this past year (and the final brick was laid right after my first week of EFY this past summer (great timing). So much so that I have been told to my face that I walk around with an invisible sign on my forehead that says "Eff-off".

That's not who I am.
That's not who I want to be. Ever.

When I built my fortress, it definitely kept me from feeling vulnerable and feeling hurt. It also kept me from feeling anything for that matter. Joy, Gratitude, Forgiveness, Charitable, Sympathetic, Teachable, Inspired, Free, Hopeful, Compassionate, Loving. All I felt was indifferent. To everything. I know I have hurt some people in the past year because of my indifference and insincerity. That is something I regret and am deeply sorry about. I am happy and I love to laugh and have a good time and that is genuine, but it takes me a lot to get to that point of being myself around very many people. I have also not nurtured the relationships that are so important to me. My relationships with everyone mean everything to me. I love people!

Walls kept me from feeling the spirit as strongly as I have in the past. I am not doubting anything I know to be true, my testimony is strong, but I can feel a difference in my life when the spirit it stronger and I am actively seeking to keep the spirit with me.

Now, I'm not saying I've been this unapproachable girl for the past year. I have made incredible friends and had really great adventures and so many wonderful experiences and have had some truly joyful moments. I'm probably not doing a great job of explaining myself, and I am probably making myself sound worse than I am. I have learned so much and have been so grateful for the experiences I have had.

In the past month or so I have been praying to feel more and to be humbled more and to trust others and myself enough again to start bringing down my fortress brick by brick. This has not been easy. So I think putting myself out there more and being more honest about what I do feel (like how it is okay to feel disappointment and it is okay to let someone love you) will help me on this really scary path of breaking down the walls and leaving them in the dust. I'm a pretty nostalgic individual and I compare the present to the past a lot. Which isn't fair. "Don't mess with the memories of a life passed on." I've already put a lot of things behind me and I can feel the huge difference it has on me already. I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and Savior who can lead me by the hand and who are patient with me when I don't know how to be patient with myself. I want to live my life in a way that I will always have the spirit with me, because you can't feel the love that the Savior and Heavenly Father have for you if you don't. And I know they love me and they know me by name. That has been very evident in my life the past couple of months. I have been so blessed.

I know I rambled a lot in this post. This wasn't meant to be a venting type thing. I'm too prideful for that

Bottom line: I'm here, I'm present, I'm alive, and I'm starting to get back to who I am supposed to be. Just try to be patient with me as I try to be patient with myself.  

Completing a Life Goal: Check

Every summer from the time I was 14-17 years old I attended Especially For Youth at different college campuses along the northern east coast. I learned some important lessons, made some great friends, and thought my counselors were the coolest people ever and I wanted to be them.

And now I get to be one.

2011 EFY Theme

Consider that life goal checked off.

Long Live

Here's to happiness 

{taken by me in athens greece july o7}

10 Things that make me ridiculously happy

1. people who can make me laugh until I ache.
2. long epic movies on a rainy day with people I can't get sick of.
3. Burberry London For Men cologne... delish. 
4. a full 8 hours of sleep
5. fresh flowers
6. sudden bursts of creativity... Like the one I had yesterday afternoon.
7. listening to live orchestras and string quartets
8. bike rides in the sun
9. the satisfaction of reading the last page of an excellent book
10. the end of missing someone

All That Glitters

Yes, the blog got a glittered out mini face-lift. Lookin' fly.

Yes, I did just get back from the east coast. 

Yes, I did see Aaron Tveit on Broadway in Catch Me if You Can. Swoon.

Yes, I still wonder why on earth I'm living in Utah (but I stand by the fact that I know that I'm supposed to be here.)

Yes, spending time with the one teacher that has had the greatest influence on not only what, but who I want to be has re-motivated me towards the end of my time in college.

Yes, I discovered Pinterest. WHERE have you been all my life!!! Seriously.

Yes, I've been getting my craft on lately.

Yes, I'm going to be an EFY counselor. Stoked. 

Yes, I am blessed.